**TRIGGER WARNING** Detailed account of rape.
I was sexually assaulted in the early hours of the morning in mid-February 2016.
It was a normal Wednesday night out at my University’s Students Union with my friends. We’d had huge pre-drinks in my hall common room, like we often do. One of my best friends, Sam*, had his friend up from home, Will. Sam introduced me to Will at the pre-drinks as it was the first time I’d met him, but we didn’t talk much more at the point. Once we got into the Union I was just having a normal night, and I was as drunk as I usually am on a night out – drunk enough to have a good time but not completely out of control. I noticed Will talking very intimately to a girl that my friend Sam lives with at one point and remember thinking he looked extremely, almost uncomfortably, close to her, but I thought nothing of it at the time.
Later on in the night, I got talking to Will – he was charming and seemed like a decent guy. I didn’t think it was anything flirty; we chatted about his job in the Navy and how we’d each become friends with Sam. Towards the end of the night, Will asked if I wanted to go back with him. At this point I saw no threat or problem in going back to Sam’s house with Will, so I did. We walked back, admittedly holding hands, but again just chatting casually. In my mind, I would be safe at Sam’s house because I knew the house well and thought there would be lots of people there in the morning. When we got in, we went straight upstairs to the spare room, where Will was staying. Will started taking my clothes off and I helped him until he got to my underwear. I stopped him from taking off my underwear and got into bed. He came over to me and said, ‘hold on I’ll be 2 minutes’ – I assumed he was going to the toilet. At this point I knew I didn’t want to have sex with him, I just wanted stay in the same bed and cuddle – maybe this was naive of me. He came back, got into bed and said ‘I can’t find a condom’ with an unnerving grin on his face. I replied, ‘Well then I’m not going to have sex with you’.
10 seconds later, the worst half an hour of my life began. Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed my arms and pinned me down. I was lying on my back and couldn’t fight back, but I continually said ‘no, please stop, I don’t want to, stop, no’. Unfortunately, this had no effect, and he persisted. He forced his penis inside my vagina, which hurt a lot. Eventually I managed to kick my legs so much that he let go of my hands for a second, but he grabbed my waist as I tried to get away and turned me onto my stomach and entered my vagina again from behind, holding me down again. I repeatedly told him to stop and said that I didn’t want this, but he continued silently and unflinchingly. After what seemed like years, but can only have been 5 minutes, he stopped and pushed me to the side, next to the wall so I couldn’t get out. Then he lay on his back while simultaneously grabbing me and forcing my head down towards his penis, where he then forced me to perform oral sex.
The whole thing was horrific, but I think this was the worst bit. He forced my head down so far that I gagged and choked; I couldn’t breathe. Again, between gasps and sobs I told him ‘no, please stop’. I was crying hysterically at this point but he wouldn’t stop. I managed to eventually move my head up quickly when he wasn’t expecting it, and I quickly collected my clothes and phone from the floor and ran into the bathroom.
I couldn’t speak, so I texted my friend Sam to come back and help me. I texted him eighteen times within the space of fewer minutes. One of the texts that still makes my skin crawl sent at 2.43am read ‘I’m scared of him he keeps making me do stuff’. At one point, Will came to the door of the toilet and was banging on the door telling me to come out or he’d come in, but eventually he gave up and went away. Sam came back shortly after and got me from the toilet. He took me to another room in the house and I explained everything that happened and he comforted me and told me I was safe now. We went up to the top floor of the house and he stayed with me while I slept because I was too scared to be alone. In the morning we woke up and didn’t talk about what had happened; we didn’t want it to be real.
I got a taxi back to my halls alone. I didn’t really know what to do or say.
**All names have been changed to protect my anonymity**
Next Post: ‘The R Word’